1L adamant that DUI arrest was “undercover research”

Hans Olo, The Stool

Things seemed to be going swimmingly for Mitchell 1L Anna Richmond at Billy’s on Thursday night when, to a lay observer, things began to go terribly wrong.

“She didn’t seem like she was that bad,” said 2L Lane Garger. “She was still in the bar when [a friend] and I went out for a smoke. After we were out there for a couple of minutes she came wobbling and weaving out of the building and fell on her face on the sidewalk.” Unfazed, Richmond hopped in her car and started what she calls her “grand experiment.”

“I don’t know how people think they’re going to learn about the law if they’re just going to read about it in books,” Richmond told The Stool. “You have to get out there and get your hands dirty! I’m good with dramshop stuff, but I knew I had to take my education to the next level. You really get to know something when you experience it first-hand.”

When asked about the danger posed to others and herself while driving in an allegedly altered state, Richmond became incredulous. “I knew exactly what I was doing! The only reason this got to be such a big deal is because the car I CHOSE to hit was being driven by some guy who’s in government or something. But, I got an awesome look at how the legal system works, a pretty safe place to sleep for the night, and a free bologna sandwich.”

Richmond says she plans to put her now-heightened knowledge of dramshop law to good use when she sues Billy’s for “lots and lots of stuff.”