Hans Olo, The Stool
An extra pallet of law was accidentally delivered this past Wednesday along with the College’s standing weekly order. When the mistake was discovered, administration officials decided to keep it, but storage quickly became a problematic issue.
“As you know, William Mitchell is a law school,” said Director of Plant Operations Dale Finnely. “We need a constant supply of law shipped to us every week if we want to put out a product that our students will enjoy and find interesting. We knew we’d be able to use [the extra pallet] eventually, but we needed a place to store it.”
Storage space at Mitchell is at a premium according to Finnely, and there simply was not room to put the boxes anywhere else. “All of our law storage tanks were full from the regular order, and the emergency tank is, of course, always full. None of our other storerooms would fit the boxes – wine, food, and tables take up a lot of space. So we had a meeting, and decided that the hall space outside room 325 would be the most inconspicuous place to store the boxes.”
Finnely told The Stool an early proposition to paint the boxes to resemble the brick wall against which they lean was nearly passed, but concerns that red paint could not be located in time quashed the idea. “I think these valuable boxes add a sense of industrial elegance to the third floor that wasn’t there before. We might start storing full trash bags there when we burn through all that extra law,” he said. “Who knows.”
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
1L pissed at God
Mario Mason, The Stool
After receiving low marks on three consecutive WRAP assignments, 1L Kelly Bahar is angry with God. “I prayed the shit out of that last assignment,” said Bahar, “and those assholes gave me a low score again! For the third fucking time! What the hell do I have to do to get a decent grade? Sacrifice a virgin or what? God is being a huge dick right now, and I’m getting tired of it.”
With midterms looming, Bahar is even more nervous. “Okay, I didn’t mean that stuff about Him being a dick. Sorry God! I’ve got a civ pro midterm next week and I really need the help. I’m going to put in some really good pray time this week, and a catholic friend of mine from undergrad is going to get me some holy water to drink. If I don’t get an A on that exam, that’s it. I’m switching to Buddism or some shit.”
After receiving low marks on three consecutive WRAP assignments, 1L Kelly Bahar is angry with God. “I prayed the shit out of that last assignment,” said Bahar, “and those assholes gave me a low score again! For the third fucking time! What the hell do I have to do to get a decent grade? Sacrifice a virgin or what? God is being a huge dick right now, and I’m getting tired of it.”
With midterms looming, Bahar is even more nervous. “Okay, I didn’t mean that stuff about Him being a dick. Sorry God! I’ve got a civ pro midterm next week and I really need the help. I’m going to put in some really good pray time this week, and a catholic friend of mine from undergrad is going to get me some holy water to drink. If I don’t get an A on that exam, that’s it. I’m switching to Buddism or some shit.”
Cascading nose laughter brings unwanted attention
Hans Olo, The Stool
After following a link to a website showcasing pictures of obese cats with absurd captions, part-time 4L Cecelia Ajene was unable to stop her nose laughter from gaining momentum. “[Shelley Bachman] IMed me this link during tax, and before I knew it, there was a picture of this huge cat sitting on a motorcycle saying ‘PORK.’ That’s all it was. It shouldn’t have been funny. It’s stupid actually, but when you’re in class everything’s funny.”
Ajene’s friend, Bachman was sitting next to her as the nose laughter began to gain momentum. “I saw out of the corner of my eye that she had opened the link,” said Bachman, “then she started to do that I’m-trying-to-laugh-as-quietly-as-I-can nose laughter thing, and it was so funny sounding, she started to make me laugh. The more she laughed, the more I laughed – plus that damned cat was still on the screen.”
Eventually, both students were drawing the attention of nearby students. “I was afraid the prof was going to notice soon, and it had gotten to the point where thinking about something sad wasn’t working, so I got up and left,” said Ajene. “I was hoping he would say something funny so everyone would laugh and I would be able to get it out of my system, but it didn’t happen. Then when I came back in he called on me to read a case. Of course. Stupid cats.”
After following a link to a website showcasing pictures of obese cats with absurd captions, part-time 4L Cecelia Ajene was unable to stop her nose laughter from gaining momentum. “[Shelley Bachman] IMed me this link during tax, and before I knew it, there was a picture of this huge cat sitting on a motorcycle saying ‘PORK.’ That’s all it was. It shouldn’t have been funny. It’s stupid actually, but when you’re in class everything’s funny.”
Ajene’s friend, Bachman was sitting next to her as the nose laughter began to gain momentum. “I saw out of the corner of my eye that she had opened the link,” said Bachman, “then she started to do that I’m-trying-to-laugh-as-quietly-as-I-can nose laughter thing, and it was so funny sounding, she started to make me laugh. The more she laughed, the more I laughed – plus that damned cat was still on the screen.”
Eventually, both students were drawing the attention of nearby students. “I was afraid the prof was going to notice soon, and it had gotten to the point where thinking about something sad wasn’t working, so I got up and left,” said Ajene. “I was hoping he would say something funny so everyone would laugh and I would be able to get it out of my system, but it didn’t happen. Then when I came back in he called on me to read a case. Of course. Stupid cats.”
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