Snivelsome Oldbean, The Stool
Several current and former WRAP students were utterly shocked when Mr. Kelley, a man previously thought to be a fictional character, came to check on the progress of his nuisance case.
"He just waltzed into my class during the middle of my oral argument," stated 1L Andrew Wiggin. "He looked angry. He asked if anyone has figured out any good ideas to get him out of this nuisance claim."
Several other students expressed similar shock and concern. "We thought he was fake," said 2L Valentine Peterson, "and then he came to school and picked up a bunch of WRAP papers from the Wahl center. We've totally been working for this guy...for free!"
"Well," continued Wiggin, "I guess all I can really say is that I hope the guy wins. He certainly has enough people on his side."
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Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
A William Mitchell Production
Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Letter from the Editor
A new decade, a new source of beryllium
My agents in the former Soviet republics have unearthed a cache of beryllium such that the Von Vanderbling name will forever be linked to this, the most popular of all alkaline earth metals. With the ensuing financial windfall I plan to take this vaunted news organization to unprecedented heights – children will weep in their beds at the mere thought of our awe-inspiring power. Women will stand up to urinate when contemplating the pancreas-crushing force of our collective will in modern media.
Hansfeld, my Palestinian houseboy, assures me I will soon be able to halt the nervous tugging on my scrotum in which I’ve recently engaged as a habit when poring over my financial numbers. Lift your glasses with me dear readers! To liberty! To diplomatic immunity!
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
About The Stool
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2007
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April
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- 1L adamant that DUI arrest was “undercover research”
- Finals sap creativity from Stool staffers
- Law review student chosen for “hotness”
- 1L irritated with apparent lack of respect
- Mr. Kelly comes to check on how his case is progre...
- No surprise here: registration sucks again
- 2007 Placement predictions announced
- Controversy swirls at Mitchell talent show
- 1L content to park on the street
- IM conversation mistaken for note-taking
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- William Mitchell looking to add new category to di...
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The Stool is a satirical newspaper. The Stool uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this website - graphics, text and other elements - is (c) Copyright 2009 by The Stool, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. The Stool is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.