Cafeteria manager guy sports new look “for the ladies”

Hans Olo, The Stool

A newly tanned and facial-haired cafeteria manager recently unleashed his look on the unsuspecting females of the Mitchell community with understated, but hopeful, decorum.

The switch, The Stool was told, reflects a sea change in the life outlook of the manager. “I watched Dazed and Confused a couple of weeks ago, and realized that [Matthew McConaughey’s] character [Wooderson] was pretty much all-around awesome. The [subsequent changes in my life] just seemed to happen naturally after that.”

After enduring uncomfortable moments while booking tanning sessions at Sun Kissed, a local tanning and nail salon, manager guy fell into a routine of tanning and beard growth for two weeks. “You can’t just wake up one day and decide you’re going to look like this after you put on your clothes. You have to plan and be disciplined in your approach,” he told The Stool.

Manager guy sees a rosy future on the horizon. “I’ve got a line on a 1970 426 Hemi ‘Cuda that I’m going to buy and fix up, and I’m going to start wearing tighter tee shirts and pants.” When asked what he hopes the reaction will be in at the College, he responded, “whatever happens, I love those law school girls – I get older, they stay the same age.”