Finals sap creativity from Stool staffers

Hans Olo, The Stool

With finals looming and outline-making in full swing, Stool writers have been hard-pressed to uncover anything at Mitchell they feel is interesting this past week.

“Leave me the FUCK alone!” screamed one writer when asked to comment on the situation. “If I can think of something good to write, I’ll do it okay? In the meantime, I’ve got five different classes wedged into my asshole. Will you please get the hell away from me now?”

The stress level on the Mitchell campus has risen considerably in past days, and some students have displayed markedly shorted fuses – namely the aforementioned staff writer, who is a complete douche bag. Maybe people would actually like him if he stopped acting like a foppish wide-brimmed asshat and started being a contributing member of society. Of course, that’s hard to do when you’re living in your Mom’s basement.