Stool Quiz: Are you a gunner?

Gunners come in many shapes and sizes – are you one of them? Take the quiz below and find out.

1. Your PR prof asks if anyone in the class would like to brief the next case. Do you:

a. Do nothing. (0 points)

b. Wait until the really short case comes up to raise your hand. (1 point)

c. Raise your hand to get participation requirement out of the way for the semester. (2 points)

d. Raise your hand, brief the case for five minutes, then ask a question about what civ pro rule 11 ramifications there might be in this case. (5 points)

2. You’re reading for tomorrow’s agency class. After finishing a case, you see there’s a dissent and a few note cases that follow. Do you:

a. Skip the dissent and the notes – the prof will go over that shit if it’s important. (0 points)

b. Skim the dissent and skip the notes – if you get lightninged you want to be able to sound semi intelligent. (1 point)

c. Read the dissent and skim the notes – sometimes the dissent is really interesting, and the notes tend to focus the decision a little more (2 points)

d. Read and brief the case and the dissent, read the notes and look up the note cases – you’ll be raising your hand on this one! (5 points)

3. There are three minutes left in your class period. The prof asks, “are there any questions?” after finishing a chapter. Do you:

a. Start shutting down your computer, but leave the screen up so it doesn’t look like you’ve stopped paying attention. She wouldn’t start a new chapter with three minutes left! (0 points)

b. Keep your notes open, but start bundling your power cord. If someone does ask a question, you’ll be able to get the answer if it’s important. (1 point)

c. Contemplate asking something, but decide to catch the prof after class since there’s so little time left. (2 points)

d. Raise your hand and ask a question about the policy behind the ruling in the last case. You’re so engrossed, you don’t even notice there’s three minutes left in class. (5 points)

4. The first draft of your appellate brief for advocacy is due in three weeks. Do you:

a. Three weeks? Pfff! That’s like 20 years in law school time. There are more pressing matters; like that fucking direct examination exercise later this week. (0 points)

b. Read through the fact pattern to get a feel for what’s going on. (1 point)

c. Read through the fact pattern and take notes, then do some preliminary research. (2 points)

d. Read the fact pattern thoroughly, research the issues, and write a rough draft. Cardozo don’t got shit on you! (5 points)

5. On-campus interviews are coming up. Do you:

a. You’ve got better things to do than suck someone’s asshole for the chance at maybe getting a job down the road. (0 points)

b. Think about doing it, but put it off until next year. (1 point)

c. Use Symplicity in any way. (5 points)

6. After a Friday night at Sweeney’s, you have the opportunity to have sex with a classmate who you find attractive. Do you:

a. So hot! Oh my God I’m drunk right now. I hope s/he doesn’t live far away. (0 points)

b. The very survival of the human race depends on sexual intercourse. It’s your duty as a member of the species to tap that ass. (1 points)

c. Have sex, but make sure s/he is fully alert and not too drunk to possibly think that s/he was taken advantage of, thereby creating a potential problem when bar exam time comes. (2 points)

d. Don’t have sex. This person is a potential colleague! If things don’t work out and you see them in a professional setting, there could be awkwardness, and it might impede your ability to zealously advocate for your client. (5 points).

Scoring
Add up your scores from the answer above, then match your total using the chart below to determine you gunnerness.

22-30: You are a gunner. You fuck up the curve. You annoy people in class. You might as well call yourself The Gunnery Sergeant and sew chevrons on your sleeves.

14-21: You are teetering on the brink of being a gunner. You often do things that make people want to punch you in the throat, but you show restraint from time to time.

7-13: You aspire to be a gunner, but weed and/or common sense prevents you from taking it to the next level.

0-6: You are a curve rider. You do what you need to do, and you drink when you’re not doing it.