Mitchell to Open Community Theater

Franz Pincer, The Stool

Representatives for Mitchell announced Wednesday the launch of a new Community Theater program offered exclusively to non-students of WMCL. The program, temporarily dubbed “The Mitchell Mingle” will be a monthly evening showcase for semi-talented Mitchell neighbors with tri-weekly rehearsals.

“We have been looking for ways to invite non-students into our school and our facilities. This just seemed like a totally out-there, non-relevant thing to do.” Said a Dean, adding, “They’ll mostly be here at night anyway, so there’s nothing else important happening.”

Reports of the new theater group have come with some derision, especially from night students. “HellOOO, what about night students?? We are here at night!” protested part time 2L Sheila Albertson, adding “it’s already impossible to park, now all the free spots are ‘reserved for thespians’?! What the fuck is that?!”

4L Matthew Bender was also torqued up over the news. “It was bad enough when there were just random pre-law events and networking socials. Now I hear they’re adding a knitting circle. A knitting circle!! Why?” he screetched, breathless after walking from all the way from Grotto.

Other administrative personnel were unavailable for comment, but suggested part time students collectively shut their pie holes, and get to the back of the school already, Christ.