Loogie won't go down drinking fountain drain

Hans Olo, The Stool

It had been a particularly dry classroom as 1L Horace Grant stepped out of Torts II last Monday to get a drink of water. “I could feel a big frog in my throat, so I left class to grab a drink of water,” said Grant. “As I was walking to the fountain I hawked a loogie that I knew I had to get rid of, but I didn’t want to go all the way into the bathroom because I was already missing class. So I did the old ‘spit it in the fountain while pretending to get a drink trick, and the damn thing got stuck in those little metal circle things that cover the drain. I looked around to make sure no one was waiting to use it, then I just walked away.”

“I know what you’re going to say, and you can fucking forget it,” said Grant. “I was NOT going to put my fingers on that nasty-ass drain to force it through. No no. I heard some kid got AIDS doing that.”

The loogie in turn caused well above-average use of the shorter fountain to its left. “I’m not looking at that filth while I take a drink,” said 2L Anne Grobien. “I have a really low gag reflex and that probably would have made me start looking like a cat with a furball.”