Eye Contact Leads to Awkwardness

Franz Pincer, The Stool

While completely spacing out in Property on Monday, 1L Claire Daniels found herself inadvertently staring in the direction of known loser 1L Jeffrey Gandling.

“I was like, oh shit, I just totally made eye contact with him. Great, I’m probably going to have to transfer to Hamline now.” pronounced a visibly shaken Daniels. According to friends, Daniels’ nanosecond of eye contact precipitated a string of events that will haunt her for days, possibly minutes to come.

Allegedly contemplating whether the night was a hard-liquor drunk night, or beer-drunk night, Daniels allowed her gaze to soften and fall haphazardly near the far south side of the lecture hall, dangerously close to the portion of the room cleared by all but Gandling, prompting an unwelcome wave-wink combo.

“My first thought was ‘Yesss!’” Reported Gandling. “I watched how she touched her hair while she was staring, and I knew I had a shot when I saw she wasn’t blinking.”

When Gandling approached Daniels at the bar later with a poorly concealed chubber and no game whatsoever, onlookers witnessed what has been called the most uncomfortable twenty minutes ever. “I was like, please God, make this stop! Somebody set something on fire, or just knock me out! I can’t look at it.” Accounted 1L Marie Hale. 2L Tom Stauffer agreed and added, “Dude crashed and burned so hard I almost felt bad for him. Man, I wish I had recorded that!”

A terse “Get away from me” from Daniels finally ended the ordeal to the relief of all involved, even peripherally. In spite of a particularly unsavory rumor of a spicy hook-up between the two, Daniels has launched a hostile ignoring campaign against Gandling that is expected to last throughout the semester.