U of M Students challenge Mitchell students to “old fashioned rumble”

Snivelsome Oldbean, The Stool

A contingent of students from the University of Minnesota Law School came to William Mitchell today and proclaimed there would be a “rumble” in the Mitchell parking lot “after class.” The U of M students were clad in denim jackets, and brandished a wide variety of bludgeoning weapons ranging from baseball bats to large chains. Their speech included phrases like “crazy cat” and “buzz it, old man,” and they snapped their fingers as they spoke, but their message was clear: There will be a bloodfest.

“They’re just jealous because we have a way cooler library,” stated Jeff Goodson, a Mitchell 2L. “That, and we have a nicer campus, better classes, and a much more attractive student body in general.”

When asked whether he would be joining his fellow Mitchell students in the rumble in the parking lot, Goodson replied, “Oh yeah, I’ll totally be there. I’m sure there are all sorts of tort issues here, but when it comes right down to it, those [U of M students] just need a good ass whoopin’.”

If you would like to participate in tonight’s rumble, join us in the main parking lot at 9:30 PM. Bring a blunt object. Pizza will be provided. Diversity PLP credit is available.