3L much more confident after watching UFC event at friend’s house

Penelopy Burke, The Stool

Mitch Conner, 3L, came home after watching UFC 68 feeling like he could “take anybody.” “It all just really clicked for me,” Conner said. “I really studied the fighter’s styles and wrestling moves – it’s all about manipulation and leverage. Once you understand that, and how to throw a punch, it’s easy.”

When asked if he had ever taken a mixed martial arts class, or participated in boxing or wrestling, Conner responded, “no, but that doesn’t matter. I’m awesome at picking stuff up by watching it. Check it out.” Conner then vigorously punched at the air in front of him for 30 seconds before he became too winded to speak.

After recovering, Conner continued. “Now I can walk into a bar and know that if I get fucked with, it’s cool. I will own anyone who wants a piece of me. The rear naked choke is my favorite move so far. It looks super easy to do, and it’s really effective.”

Conner now insists his friends refer to him as “Counselor Crushin’ Stuff.”