Students make startling nickname discovery at local bar

Hans Olo, The Stool

After meeting by chance at the Happy Gnome last Thursday night, two groups of friends who attend the same class, but had never met, realized they shared similar nicknames for the same annoying student in their Constitutional Law class.

“We call him ‘The Asslicker’ because he’s constantly sucking up to the prof,” 2L Simone DeVries told us recently. “Then [my friend Brett and I] found out that Jenny and Kyle call him ‘Shitstack,’ because whenever he opens his mouth bullshit piles up. It was pretty funny.”

Kyle Vandervoort also found the similarity in nicknames amusing. “When Brett told us he and Simone called him ‘The Asslicker’ I almost fell off my chair laughing. It’s just so fitting. That guy is a huge douche. Come to think of it, I guess the nicknames aren’t really that similar. They’re still funny though…whatever.”

After many Belgian beers and two solid hours of bonding, the newly-found friends realized they needed to agree on one common nickname they could all use. “We decided on ‘The Ass-Stack,’” 2L Jenny Peters said. “It’s good, but I think Dan and I are still going to call him ‘Shitstack’ when it’s just us. It just rolls off the tongue a little better.”