Construction plans coincide perfectly with Mitchell’s parking needs

Tabatha Ikens, The Stool

After a summer’s worth of empty parking lots, Mitchell operations officials have decided to remodel something or other and close off the rear lot completely until 5:30.

“We thought it would be best to [start a construction project] now, rather than during the summer to give students and faculty a unique opportunity to strengthen the school’s community,” said Rod Fausto, a Mitchell operations manager. “We will not be offering money back on the $50 parking permit, however. Since we’ve cut possible parking spots by half, your permit essentially will be worth double should you find a spot.”

The Stool encourages students with questions or concerns to eat a large lunch at any Mexican restaurant, find Fausto’s office, enter it when he’s not there, and leave a Cleveland Steamer on his keyboard. If this sounds unappealing, please take a picture of a turd and email it to Mr. Fausto.