Wheeled, handled bags becoming campus-wide annoyance

Hans Olo, The Stool

An increasingly popular and annoying type of bag – the two-wheeled, retractable handle sort ubiquitous to airports around the world, has been drawing the ire of many in the Mitchell community. Students who simply cannot find the strength to haul the five to eight pounds of combined book and laptop weight in a traditional backpack or messenger bag often turn to this scourge of hallways and classrooms for relief.

“I can’t stand those ridiculous things,” said part-time 4L Lane Harrison. “Yesterday at around 5:25 when the stairs were pretty full of people going to and from class, everyone had to wait for some asswipe to stop at the top of the stairs, retract the handle on their little bag, pick it up, walk down the stairs, then at the bottom, stop, set it down, fumble with the handle to re-extend it, then finally start walking again. Just use a backpack you moron! It’s not THAT far of a walk to your car.”

Harrison’s frustration is typical of many Mitchell students. 2L Sharon Jarvais shared what she thinks is one possible solution. “Just tell them to get the fuck out of the stairwells when they’re dicking around with their little handles. I know it’s really tiring carrying your bag around, but come on. Luckily there are portable defibrillators close if you have a stress-induced heart attack.”