Snivelsome Oldbean, The Stool
When students were asked by their professor why they had chosen to enroll in the Family Law course at the beginning of the semester, answers were varied. Most said they were planning on going into Family Law, or wanted to broaden their learning perspective. 3L Larry Black had a more unique reason: Revenge.
When it came his time to share, Black stood proudly and stated, "I’m here to get revenge on my knob-gobbler wife." After the stunned silence that followed his answer, Black felt compelled to elaborate. "Well I don't want to kill her or anything," he said, "I just want to ruin her. She ran off with her boss and left me with two asshole kids. She's a dirty, dirty tramp. I think this class will help me break her."
The professor politely thanked Black as his classmates focused determinedly on the desks in front of them. Black sat down after muttering, "So that's why I took this class."
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Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
A William Mitchell Production
Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Letter from the Editor
A new decade, a new source of beryllium
My agents in the former Soviet republics have unearthed a cache of beryllium such that the Von Vanderbling name will forever be linked to this, the most popular of all alkaline earth metals. With the ensuing financial windfall I plan to take this vaunted news organization to unprecedented heights – children will weep in their beds at the mere thought of our awe-inspiring power. Women will stand up to urinate when contemplating the pancreas-crushing force of our collective will in modern media.
Hansfeld, my Palestinian houseboy, assures me I will soon be able to halt the nervous tugging on my scrotum in which I’ve recently engaged as a habit when poring over my financial numbers. Lift your glasses with me dear readers! To liberty! To diplomatic immunity!
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
About The Stool
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- Irony abounds as fistfight erupts during torts class
- Several injured after first annual Hachey Commons ...
- Wheeled, handled bags becoming campus-wide annoyance
- Professor Dayton: “Elder Law is my bitch”
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The Stool is a satirical newspaper. The Stool uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this website - graphics, text and other elements - is (c) Copyright 2009 by The Stool, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. The Stool is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.