Ex-Dean Easley comes clean

Hans Olo, The Stool

Controversy took center stage as the school year began a few weeks ago when Dean Easley unexpectedly and abruptly resigned his post as the top official at William Mitchell. Now, for the first time since his meteoric rise and precipitous fall, Easley tells all in an exclusive one-on-one interview with The Stool.

“First, let me start off by saying I’ve always been a big fan of The Stool,” said Easely. “I think you could tone down the male genitalia-related content, but overall it’s very good. Anyway, I want the students at William Mitchell to know I hold them in the highest regard, and because of this, I feel they have the right to know why their dean has left. I have been presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to help a family in need, while simultaneously realizing a significant profit for myself.”

“Two months ago, I received an unsolicited yet heartfelt email from a man in Ghana whose family was fleeing the country, and desperately needed to relocate a very large sum of money into a western bank account. How he found me, I’m not sure. I assume my international reputation as an honest and dependable person was known to Mr. Mugambogo – my contact’s solicitor in Ghana.”

“After months of calls, emails, and rather large bank service fees I was obliged to pay to my contact’s bank minister via Western Union, I am now poised to receive the extremely large monetary reward promised to me. Tomorrow I leave for Accra to sign the final papers with my new business associate, and will no longer need to work upon returning home. I would like to wish everyone the very best of luck in their legal endeavors, and ask that no one contact me for loans or handouts.”

Easley then escorted us to a newly remodeled bathroom in his house featuring a toilet made of 14K gold. “This little baby is worth chump change next to what I’m about to get. I have orders in for three more!” he told us.