Frustrated novelist accepts professorship, looking forward to the facts section of exams

Hans Olo, The Stool

While an utter failure in the field of literature, newly anointed Estates and Trusts professor Mark Brown has big plans for his upcoming exams.

“It’s all about character development,” explained Brown. “If your reader doesn’t care about the people they’re following, you’ve lost them. I hope my students will want to answer the questions correctly not just for themselves, but for the people they’re reading about, too.”

Brown’s current draft of this year’s spring exam boasts three separate fact sections totaling 32 pages.

“That’s fucking absurd,” one student told us on condition of anonymity. “If there are 32 pages of facts I’ll just wipe my ass with the answer sections and turn it in.”