Hans Olo, The Stool
The sloppily-painted red square on the lower right-hand side of the wall outside room 323 has the student body and the school's maintenance department stumped.
"I was happy to see it there," said 3L Tom Aeillo. "It's very non-conformist. It's a commentary on our obsession with order and symmetry in law, is what it is. Art can't be defined and ruled and briefed and thrown in a book! It has to be experienced and pondered like a sunset on a beach, or taking a satisfying turd while reading one of those 'Bathroom Reader' books."
The Mitchell maintenance staff was less philosophical. "I dunno what it is," maintenance technician Tom Granger told us. "I thought it was something one of you snot-nosed douches did while waiting for your waste-of-time classes to start. I'm not repainting that wall, that's all I know."
Mitchell faculty refused to comment on the square, although Professor Hogg did say, "I LET MY DOG EAT NECKLACES IN THE ACCIDENT. GOBLET?"
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Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
A William Mitchell Production
Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Letter from the Editor
A new decade, a new source of beryllium
My agents in the former Soviet republics have unearthed a cache of beryllium such that the Von Vanderbling name will forever be linked to this, the most popular of all alkaline earth metals. With the ensuing financial windfall I plan to take this vaunted news organization to unprecedented heights – children will weep in their beds at the mere thought of our awe-inspiring power. Women will stand up to urinate when contemplating the pancreas-crushing force of our collective will in modern media.
Hansfeld, my Palestinian houseboy, assures me I will soon be able to halt the nervous tugging on my scrotum in which I’ve recently engaged as a habit when poring over my financial numbers. Lift your glasses with me dear readers! To liberty! To diplomatic immunity!
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
About The Stool
- The Stool
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The Stool is a satirical newspaper. The Stool uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this website - graphics, text and other elements - is (c) Copyright 2009 by The Stool, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. The Stool is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.