Professor Makes Student Sweaty

Franz Pincer, The Stool

While meeting over her long paper last week, 3L Martina Long reported sweating profusely. Sources allege that the sweating began with just the upper lip in tight little beads, but escalated quickly as Steenson’s red pen made contact with the carefully crafted words of Long’s introduction. Soon, the left armpit went into hyperdrive, soaking the cap sleeve of her A&F tiny-tee.

“I was so nervous he could see, I kept touching my armpit to see if it felt wet,” recounted Long, adding “that only made it worse because he saw me doing it like four times, and then I felt weird and I wiped my hand on my pants, but then they were all hot, and sweat started to drip down the sides of my face a little. It was bad.”

Apparently, the real jungle sweat didn’t appear until her welcomed exit, but it in all likelihood ruined any chance of future productivity in these meetings.

While Steenson isn’t the only professor reported to induce involuntary bodily excretions, he is so far the only one to cause what is now being dubbed: Sweat-hog Syndrome.