Beaver Hunt, The Stool
1L Craig Montana got more than he bargained for in a recent PILF auction bid. “I remember a few weeks ago when Professor Kleinberger showed our contracts class this artwork that had been painted using body parts instead of brushes,” said Montana. “He showed us this painting of a flower that was done by the artist dipping his wiener and ballsack in paint and then creating a picture with his junk.”
Earlier this week, Montana noticed an interesting painting in the PILF auction that he thought would make a handsome addition to his apartment’s décor. “After I put in my top bid, I went to look at the painting again and noticed the work was signed by Kleinberger and smelled faintly of meat. Then I took a closer look and noticed a short-and-curly frozen in the paint. It was then that I realized I had bid on wiener art.”
As news of the wiener art circulated around campus, bids began pouring in. “We’ve had an unprecedented number of bids for the painting entitled ‘Payroll Evidence,’” said Sue Dorothy, PILF coordinator. The high bid is currently at $12,400 by Professor Kleinberger.
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Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
A William Mitchell Production
Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Letter from the Editor
A new decade, a new source of beryllium
My agents in the former Soviet republics have unearthed a cache of beryllium such that the Von Vanderbling name will forever be linked to this, the most popular of all alkaline earth metals. With the ensuing financial windfall I plan to take this vaunted news organization to unprecedented heights – children will weep in their beds at the mere thought of our awe-inspiring power. Women will stand up to urinate when contemplating the pancreas-crushing force of our collective will in modern media.
Hansfeld, my Palestinian houseboy, assures me I will soon be able to halt the nervous tugging on my scrotum in which I’ve recently engaged as a habit when poring over my financial numbers. Lift your glasses with me dear readers! To liberty! To diplomatic immunity!
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
About The Stool
- The Stool
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The Stool is a satirical newspaper. The Stool uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this website - graphics, text and other elements - is (c) Copyright 2009 by The Stool, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. The Stool is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.