Lexis Lab rife with airborne filth

Franz Pincer, The Stool

As exams loom in the too-near distance over the heads of Mitchell students, this Stool staffer wants to tell whoever keeps busting ass in the Lexis Lab to knock it off. Seriously. This is my domain, people. There are only a few short weeks between now and exams and I don’t want to be made to choke a bitch.

For some of us, these weeks are the final countdown of a very protracted sentence of torture and tiny plagues. Law School is a veritable fun-house of afflictions and hatred, which are only exacerbated by the foul funk of someone else’s fanny fumes. Cut the cheese again, and I might cut your miserable 2L life short, pal. I mean it. I am close to the edge.

For many 3Ls and sad 4Ls this is a time of merriment and derision. As we watch the 1L’s contort with pain and anxiety over the shitstorm that awaits them in the form of a Torts final; witness their shock and fear at learning there will be a BlueBook exam over break, we laugh with horrible glee at their hurting. Because we are now immune. At this point, law school is a bore and studying optional.

So, ass-clown, put an end to the toot machine working in your rear end so I can go back to enjoying myself without a gas mask. I have a long paper to start and finish in three days, and it’s tough to type when my eyes are watering. Really, seriously, Gas-X or go home fartpig.