For Carrie, The Stool
As finals draw the spring semester to a close, one student remained utterly flummoxed as to the content of one of his courses.
"This class had nothing to do with racing at all," said 3L Blaine Smith, of Coon Rapids. "I was told the Racing Law class was awesome, so I took it. All they've talked about so far is minorities. What the hell? How can you offer a class in Racing Law then not even talk about NASCAR once?"
Although Smith was the first student to mistake "Race and the Law" for "Racing Law," Mitchell faculty is alarmed at the confusion. "Going forward, we decided to change the name of the course to 'Peoples With Increased Levels of Melanin in Their Skin and the Law' to avoid confusion."
Smith remains confused, but holds onto the hope that his favorite NASCAR drivers will be mentioned soon. "I would ask the prof about the migration from the Winston sponsorship to the Nextel sponsorship and I just got stared at. They didn't even talk about Midget Car racing. I mean come ON! I'm going to study up on it anyway, in case it's on the final."
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Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
A William Mitchell Production
Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Letter from the Editor
A new decade, a new source of beryllium
My agents in the former Soviet republics have unearthed a cache of beryllium such that the Von Vanderbling name will forever be linked to this, the most popular of all alkaline earth metals. With the ensuing financial windfall I plan to take this vaunted news organization to unprecedented heights – children will weep in their beds at the mere thought of our awe-inspiring power. Women will stand up to urinate when contemplating the pancreas-crushing force of our collective will in modern media.
Hansfeld, my Palestinian houseboy, assures me I will soon be able to halt the nervous tugging on my scrotum in which I’ve recently engaged as a habit when poring over my financial numbers. Lift your glasses with me dear readers! To liberty! To diplomatic immunity!
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
About The Stool
- The Stool
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The Stool is a satirical newspaper. The Stool uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this website - graphics, text and other elements - is (c) Copyright 2009 by The Stool, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. The Stool is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.