Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers meeting ends in arrests

Jon McClay, The Stool

As the alcoholic support group, Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers, began its first meeting of the new year last week, Mitchell 2Ls Tina Makine and John Aeien began surreptitiously passing a flask filled with Root 100 between themselves during the meeting's "slower moments." "Well, it gets really boring sitting there listening to [the meeting], so Tina and I thought this might make the time pass a little faster," said Aeien.

The group's members and leader, however, were not amused. "It's an affront to everything this organization stands for," said LCfL president Micha Boehr. "I find it offensive on a professional level, a personal level, and a spiritual level. This is not a high school classroom where one should feel the need to 'get away with something.' It's an organization that helps many different people through terribly difficult times in their lives."

"My GOD he so high strung," said Aeien when asked to respond to Boehr's statement. "Jesus man, it was just a little flask. It's not like we brought the whole bottle in."

Boehr apparently became aware something was amiss during the session in question when many of the group's members became more emotional and gregarious than they had in the past. "After we had passed it back and forth a couple times, people sitting around us started asking for a pull, so we gave it to them too," said Makine. "It's a victimless crime -- it's not even a crime! It was a victimless activity! Although I have to say a lot of those people don't know the old 'sip, sip, pass' rule. They just started pounding it until the next person took it away from them."

Police intervention was soon called for as members of the group began throwing punches and ill-conceived karate chops to be the next to take from the flask. William Mitchell security personnel did their part during the fracas by ensuring all cars parked in the Summit lot displayed an appropriate parking permit sticker.