Mary Atkins, The Stool
When 3L Roberto Domingez had a question after his Sales class last week, he was shocked that the person to whom he was talking was the same prof he had been listening to all semester. “I sit towards the back, and as I was walking up there it was like he was transforming,” said Domingez. “So I get up there, and the dude was super weird looking. I don’t know how to describe it – he just looked really different than he normally does during class. It threw me so bad I forgot what my question was for a couple seconds.”
2L Sheila Mowaddes had a similar experience in her evidence class. “I went up to the front during the break to ask something, and [the prof] looked so different I ended up just making eye contact, smiling, then kept walking. He must think I’m an idiot, but at that point anything he had to say about hearsay would have been drowned out by his liver spots in my head. Oh well.”
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Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
A William Mitchell Production
Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Letter from the Editor
A new decade, a new source of beryllium
My agents in the former Soviet republics have unearthed a cache of beryllium such that the Von Vanderbling name will forever be linked to this, the most popular of all alkaline earth metals. With the ensuing financial windfall I plan to take this vaunted news organization to unprecedented heights – children will weep in their beds at the mere thought of our awe-inspiring power. Women will stand up to urinate when contemplating the pancreas-crushing force of our collective will in modern media.
Hansfeld, my Palestinian houseboy, assures me I will soon be able to halt the nervous tugging on my scrotum in which I’ve recently engaged as a habit when poring over my financial numbers. Lift your glasses with me dear readers! To liberty! To diplomatic immunity!
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
About The Stool
- The Stool
- The Stool is a comprehensive news source with offices in seven countries and a near-fanatical readership in Mozambique and parts of Burma. Look for new editions of The Stool every Thursday.
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The Stool is a satirical newspaper. The Stool uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this website - graphics, text and other elements - is (c) Copyright 2009 by The Stool, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. The Stool is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.