Hans Olo, The Stool
Family gatherings like Thanksgiving and Festivus have proven to be full of awkward conversations for 1L Beth Page, but this year is different. “There are no more strained pauses,” said Page. “Usually during Thanksgiving dinner I would be sitting with one of my Mom’s cousins that I see like once a year, and after the ‘how’s work’ chit-chat died down my mind would race for something – anything – we could talk about. Finally, we have something.”
Law school has been the great social situation salve for Page. When the conversation dimmed, the ubiquitous “how’s school going” question served as a conversational spotlight. “God I loved hearing that question,” said Page. “It ate up enough time for someone else to join in so I could get out after a while without having to make up an excuse.”
Other students have had similar experiences. “I used to just skip going to any family function where drinking isn’t acceptable simply because I have nothing in common with most of them,” said 2L Bill Oslund. “But since I started school there’s always something to talk about. Of course now they expect me to help them solve their absurd legal problems, but whatever. At least I can leave my flask home most of the time.”
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Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
A William Mitchell Production
Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Letter from the Editor
A new decade, a new source of beryllium
My agents in the former Soviet republics have unearthed a cache of beryllium such that the Von Vanderbling name will forever be linked to this, the most popular of all alkaline earth metals. With the ensuing financial windfall I plan to take this vaunted news organization to unprecedented heights – children will weep in their beds at the mere thought of our awe-inspiring power. Women will stand up to urinate when contemplating the pancreas-crushing force of our collective will in modern media.
Hansfeld, my Palestinian houseboy, assures me I will soon be able to halt the nervous tugging on my scrotum in which I’ve recently engaged as a habit when poring over my financial numbers. Lift your glasses with me dear readers! To liberty! To diplomatic immunity!
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
About The Stool
- The Stool
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The Stool is a satirical newspaper. The Stool uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this website - graphics, text and other elements - is (c) Copyright 2009 by The Stool, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. The Stool is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.