Hans Olo, The Stool
With the summer months settling in and many Mitchell students enjoying non-classroom time, the information binge that comprises the regular school year has finally culminated into a brain dump for those attempting to cling to what sanity they have left.
“Yeah, you could have asked me anything about insurance law after my final, but I don’t know a fucking thing now,” said 3L Brad Stevens. “I do remember that calculating coinsurance numbers can suck my balls.”
Stevens’ sentiments ring true for many students. University of Syracuse social scientist Jann Hutche calls the phenomenon a defense mechanism. “Essentially students are resting their minds and focusing on those things they weren’t able to enjoy as much during the school year. It’s very common.”
Other Mitchell students seem more determined to move on than do others. “When I finished WRAP I wiped my ass with the Kelley case and burned the whole goddamned thing,” said 2L Michael Carlsson. “I can’t wait for Advocacy!”
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Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
A William Mitchell Production
Board of Trustees abandons new school mascot due to school's conflict of interest with weiner industry
Letter from the Editor
A new decade, a new source of beryllium
My agents in the former Soviet republics have unearthed a cache of beryllium such that the Von Vanderbling name will forever be linked to this, the most popular of all alkaline earth metals. With the ensuing financial windfall I plan to take this vaunted news organization to unprecedented heights – children will weep in their beds at the mere thought of our awe-inspiring power. Women will stand up to urinate when contemplating the pancreas-crushing force of our collective will in modern media.
Hansfeld, my Palestinian houseboy, assures me I will soon be able to halt the nervous tugging on my scrotum in which I’ve recently engaged as a habit when poring over my financial numbers. Lift your glasses with me dear readers! To liberty! To diplomatic immunity!
Corriander Von Vanderbling
Editor in Chief
About The Stool
- The Stool
- The Stool is a comprehensive news source with offices in seven countries and a near-fanatical readership in Mozambique and parts of Burma. Look for new editions of The Stool every Thursday.
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The Stool is a satirical newspaper. The Stool uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this website - graphics, text and other elements - is (c) Copyright 2009 by The Stool, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. The Stool is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.