Matt Simonson, The Stool
After a particular vigorous drinking session following the completion of her torts final on Tuesday, Patricia Clark, a William Mitchell 1L, went home with a man who was “cute and nice” only to be shocked into sobriety by her partner’s genitals when he took his pants off.
“I was shocked,” said Clark. “I sat there and stared at it and I wasn’t sure what to do. I must have looked funny because he said ‘do you like what you see?’ I didn’t want to make him feel bad, but it was just so disgusting I started to cry. I grabbed my shirt and ran – thank God we were at his place.”
Clark described what she saw that night as “one of the most horrific and stunning things I’ve ever been exposed to. It looked like a mutant – plus when he took his pants off I got this sudden waft of hair creme and African ointments. Oh God, I just threw up in my mouth a little. Excuse me.”
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Finals used as excuse for general bitchiness
Hans Olo, The Stool
When 2L Mark Shields was asked by his girlfriend if he would take out the trash this past Monday, Shields was having none of it. “I told her I’m in the middle of finals and I can’t do every little task she has for me right now. I said I need to study, not act like a fucking maid for once. Of course I was in the middle of watching Flight of the Navigator on TBS at the time, but I was still stressed.”
Many students like Shields find finals to be a time when they can be a dick, but still get away with it. “It’s especially true if you’re dealing with someone who has never been in grad school,” said Connie Xang, a Mitchell 3L. “If my roommate has music on and it’s bugging me around finals time, I’ll tell her to turn it the fuck off even if I’m done with my tests for the semester. If she doesn’t do it, I drop the guilt trip on her like a truck. The music always turns off after that.”
“The best part about being a bitch during finals is, when you apologize after they’re done, people always forgive you instantly,” said part-time 4L Liz Granger. “They’re like ‘oh I knew you were under a lot of stress. It’s okay.’ Finals ARE stressful, but, still.”
When 2L Mark Shields was asked by his girlfriend if he would take out the trash this past Monday, Shields was having none of it. “I told her I’m in the middle of finals and I can’t do every little task she has for me right now. I said I need to study, not act like a fucking maid for once. Of course I was in the middle of watching Flight of the Navigator on TBS at the time, but I was still stressed.”
Many students like Shields find finals to be a time when they can be a dick, but still get away with it. “It’s especially true if you’re dealing with someone who has never been in grad school,” said Connie Xang, a Mitchell 3L. “If my roommate has music on and it’s bugging me around finals time, I’ll tell her to turn it the fuck off even if I’m done with my tests for the semester. If she doesn’t do it, I drop the guilt trip on her like a truck. The music always turns off after that.”
“The best part about being a bitch during finals is, when you apologize after they’re done, people always forgive you instantly,” said part-time 4L Liz Granger. “They’re like ‘oh I knew you were under a lot of stress. It’s okay.’ Finals ARE stressful, but, still.”
Friday, November 30, 2007
Professor looks way different up close
Mary Atkins, The Stool
When 3L Roberto Domingez had a question after his Sales class last week, he was shocked that the person to whom he was talking was the same prof he had been listening to all semester. “I sit towards the back, and as I was walking up there it was like he was transforming,” said Domingez. “So I get up there, and the dude was super weird looking. I don’t know how to describe it – he just looked really different than he normally does during class. It threw me so bad I forgot what my question was for a couple seconds.”
2L Sheila Mowaddes had a similar experience in her evidence class. “I went up to the front during the break to ask something, and [the prof] looked so different I ended up just making eye contact, smiling, then kept walking. He must think I’m an idiot, but at that point anything he had to say about hearsay would have been drowned out by his liver spots in my head. Oh well.”
When 3L Roberto Domingez had a question after his Sales class last week, he was shocked that the person to whom he was talking was the same prof he had been listening to all semester. “I sit towards the back, and as I was walking up there it was like he was transforming,” said Domingez. “So I get up there, and the dude was super weird looking. I don’t know how to describe it – he just looked really different than he normally does during class. It threw me so bad I forgot what my question was for a couple seconds.”
2L Sheila Mowaddes had a similar experience in her evidence class. “I went up to the front during the break to ask something, and [the prof] looked so different I ended up just making eye contact, smiling, then kept walking. He must think I’m an idiot, but at that point anything he had to say about hearsay would have been drowned out by his liver spots in my head. Oh well.”
1L grateful to finally have something to talk about
Hans Olo, The Stool
Family gatherings like Thanksgiving and Festivus have proven to be full of awkward conversations for 1L Beth Page, but this year is different. “There are no more strained pauses,” said Page. “Usually during Thanksgiving dinner I would be sitting with one of my Mom’s cousins that I see like once a year, and after the ‘how’s work’ chit-chat died down my mind would race for something – anything – we could talk about. Finally, we have something.”
Law school has been the great social situation salve for Page. When the conversation dimmed, the ubiquitous “how’s school going” question served as a conversational spotlight. “God I loved hearing that question,” said Page. “It ate up enough time for someone else to join in so I could get out after a while without having to make up an excuse.”
Other students have had similar experiences. “I used to just skip going to any family function where drinking isn’t acceptable simply because I have nothing in common with most of them,” said 2L Bill Oslund. “But since I started school there’s always something to talk about. Of course now they expect me to help them solve their absurd legal problems, but whatever. At least I can leave my flask home most of the time.”
Family gatherings like Thanksgiving and Festivus have proven to be full of awkward conversations for 1L Beth Page, but this year is different. “There are no more strained pauses,” said Page. “Usually during Thanksgiving dinner I would be sitting with one of my Mom’s cousins that I see like once a year, and after the ‘how’s work’ chit-chat died down my mind would race for something – anything – we could talk about. Finally, we have something.”
Law school has been the great social situation salve for Page. When the conversation dimmed, the ubiquitous “how’s school going” question served as a conversational spotlight. “God I loved hearing that question,” said Page. “It ate up enough time for someone else to join in so I could get out after a while without having to make up an excuse.”
Other students have had similar experiences. “I used to just skip going to any family function where drinking isn’t acceptable simply because I have nothing in common with most of them,” said 2L Bill Oslund. “But since I started school there’s always something to talk about. Of course now they expect me to help them solve their absurd legal problems, but whatever. At least I can leave my flask home most of the time.”
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